One of the most common conversations that I have with women…

They are so tired being the emotional manager to everyone in their lives.

The one who helps restore all back to peace.

The one who prevents the upset, the blow ups.

The one who stays small to make it easy for others.

The one who reads everyone around them.

The one who walks on eggshells, suppressing their truth.

The one who is left feeling overwhelmed, resentful, depleted, ashamed, defeated, helpless, alone, or not enough.

And the fear rooted in all of this emotion management:

What will happen if I don’t?

Somewhere in their lives they experienced or perceived a withdrawal of love and/or safety around emotions. And the adaptive response became to prevent, shrink, placate, fix - to protect, shut down, and to make the emotion stop.

The emotions themselves became the threat because of a consequence that followed.

And so the little girl who grew to fear emotion becomes a partner, maybe even a mother...

And the fear is still there saying:

What if I make my child upset?

I have to make sure everyone is happy all of the time

Don’t they know they could get hurt?

I have to tell them to make sure they don’t

I really want x, but that’s wrong or selfish

They'll get upset with me if I… (so I won’t)

or when exhausted:

Does anyone even notice me and everything I do?

They don’t even care to hear me

No one asks me what I want

Why can’t they just deal with their feelings

Why do I have to do everything for them

They are so self-absorbed

Why are they reacting this way? Nothing I do is enough.

I can't stop because everything will fall apart. All will be lost. But I'm so, so tired.

So how does that little girl within feel safe again?

By re-learning the true meaning of emotional safety, considering her needs, listening to

her body’s voice, and allowing people to be responsible for themselves. Remembering that she does not have to endure someone's emotional storm at the cost of herself. Now, she is able to choose to step away, to respond differently.

She starts to see that the emotions themselves weren’t the problem, it was not knowing what to do with them - and she no longer needs to be in survival. She no longer exchanges perfectionism for being accepted - she can be who she is in the midst of all of the feelings because her self-love won’t waiver. Whether as a partner, a mother, daughter, friend - whatever relationship she realizes that her true power lies in first, seeing herself clearly.

And the best part?

Her relationships radically shift. She experiences true connection.

Her partner becomes attuned to her needs because she is allowing herself to take up space. Her child(ren) learn to feel their feelings and know what to do with them because she knows how important it is to feel - so she practices this with them and meets herself in those moments too. Messy, imperfect, and lots of deep breaths, with an "I'm sorry" likely to follow - she learns the art of repair with her child, and how emotions are really a conduit for deeper connection, especially the hard ones. Her friendships are loving, reciprocal, meaningful. She creates boundaries when she needs to and equally, is conscious of letting love in. She pursues her own interests, her joy, her dreams - because she has space to now.

She comes home to herself, and the little girl within is safe.

The learning is not about insulating herself from feelings, because as long as we are in relationship with one another we will be deeply feeling. The learning is about always remembering and considering her needs in the face of another's. To find the balance of one person's feelings and those of her own, holding both in the same level of care and regard. To listen when her body tells her to make it easy, and instead to choose to stay present with the discomfort of allowing things to just be. To re-train her nervous system, again, and again, and again, AND AGAIN, to the wisdom held in her body, learning to trust her intuition once more.

She breaks the cycle, for herself, those before her and those to come. Because she reclaims her power, her worth, her sovereignty, and love flows through her life once more.