The Edge of Surrender

We are tired. We are tired of suffering. We are tired of the world being in a state of grief and devastation. We are tired of ourselves. 

And when doing the healing work it takes, it can feel like time after time, we continue to unearth another layer, or another “problem”. We can become so frustrated along the way, wondering, “when will I be done with this healing journey?”, which is a valid question and one that likely anyone committed to a path of integrating their shadow has asked, myself included. 

Many times when we ask this question, we are coming to the edge of surrender. It’s not so much about being tired of having "problems", as it is being tired of holding onto the parts of us that keep these shadow parts in the dark. Our resistance to our light, our power, and the essence of who we are, can create such a tense ebb and flow and inner disconnect. Of course if someone were asked, “do you want to let go of all that makes you suffer?”, the person would likely say yes without hesitation. 

But let’s reflect for a moment. Our shadow is what we have known and therefore, is a part of us that we are comfortable with. It gives us a false sense of safety, protection, identity, and perhaps, even purpose. Even if we consciously know a better way, allowing ourselves to live a more stable, healthy, balanced, and peaceful life can actually be incredibly intimidating. There can feel like more to lose, it can be hard to trust that we can maintain it, we may feel guilty about who we would become and how that would affect our relationships, and many more unknowns. 

So how do we get beyond the space of feeling so exhausted, to living an empowered life? We enter the birthplace of surrender. Of willingness. Of possibility. We allow ourselves to try, just one change, one meaningful change, that is aligned with the life we want to live and the vision of who we want to be. We start to see our "problems" as little puzzle pieces that when found, re-create our wholeness. We let go of the performance of healing, the sensation of climbing the ladder toward self-love, and we start to allow right now to be enough, no matter how messy it may seem. Maybe it’s radical responsibility and releasing blame, maybe it’s saying yes to yourself more often, it could be holding yourself in a hard moment instead of punishing yourself, it could be choosing not to gossip and releasing judgment toward others (and yourself). We may not fully realize the incredible value these shifts hold. They may seem small, but they are incredibly mighty. Be mindful of your ego evaluating the worthiness of these efforts. Again, this is not a performance. It is a sacred path to be revered.

So ask yourself, if I am so tired, where can I rediscover my empowerment, and make one commitment to myself today? And just begin.